Becoming Secure: The Journey to Healthy Self-Worth

When we think of self-esteem, we often imagine someone confident, assertive, and outspoken. But in therapy, we learn that healthy self-esteem isn’t about being the loudest in the room or having it all together—it’s about feeling secure in who you are, even when life isn’t perfect.

Self-Esteem Isn’t a Performance

Many of my clients believe that they’d finally feel better about themselves if they were just more confident.

But self-esteem isn’t something we “perform.” It’s not about pretending we have it all figured out.

Some of the most courageous moments of self-esteem happen quietly—in setting a boundary, saying “no” without apologizing, or showing up authentically, even when it’s uncomfortable.

The Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem

In therapy, we often work toward helping clients:

  • Set boundaries without guilt
  • Speak their needs clearly and respectfully
  • Acknowledge mistakes without spiraling into shame
  • Receive feedback without internalizing it as failure
  • Trust their intuition instead of outsourcing decisions to others

These changes don’t happen overnight, but they build slowly through consistent emotional work, healing, and support.

What Gets in the Way

If you’ve struggled with self-esteem, there’s usually a story behind it.

Maybe you were raised in a critical household, had relationships where your worth was questioned, or internalized beliefs that made you feel “not enough.”

Therapy gives space to untangle those stories—and start telling new ones.

Healing in the Therapy Room

In the therapy room, I help clients not just talk about self-esteem, but experience it.

That might look like noticing when you’re minimizing your needs, exploring the discomfort of taking up space, or celebrating moments where you advocate for yourself, even in small ways.

Final Thoughts

Healthy self-esteem is quiet, grounded, and deeply rooted in truth.

You don’t need to shout to believe in yourself.

You just need to stop silencing the parts of you that already know you matter.

Treatment for Social Anxiety Disorder

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for social anxiety disorder (SAD), which involves an intense fear of judgment or embarrassment in social settings.

CBT focuses on identifying and restructuring negative thought patterns and employs behavioral strategies, such as exposure therapy, to help individuals gradually face their social fears. It also provides practical skills like deep breathing and mindfulness to manage physiological anxiety symptoms. 

Automatic Thoughts

Automatic thoughts significantly contribute to the maintenance of social anxiety. These thoughts are frequently negative and distorted, intensifying anxiety by acting as a mechanism that perpetuates it.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, various methods are employed to address these automatic thoughts. For instance, techniques such as journaling, restructuring, and replacing distorted thinking are utilized in counseling to treat these automatic thoughts.

Other Therapies

Gradual exposure is a behavioral technique in which individuals progressively confront social situations they fear, beginning with less intimidating ones and gradually advancing to more challenging scenarios. For example, a person might start by making small talk with a cashier before eventually delivering a presentation in class. This method of gradual exposure helps build confidence and reduces avoidance behaviors.

Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, often complement cognitive and behavioral strategies. These techniques help individuals stay calm and focused during anxiety-provoking situations, making it easier to confront their fears.

Depression

Depression is a complex mental health condition that can have a significant impact on a person’s thoughts and behaviors. Our thoughts play a crucial role in depression, as negative thought patterns can worsen feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness.

How depression affects our thinking

When someone is experiencing depression, they may have distorted thoughts about themselves, others, and the world. These distorted thoughts, also known as cognitive distortions, can lead to a cycle of negative emotions and behaviors. For example, a person with depression may engage in all-or-nothing thinking, viewing things as either perfect or a complete failure. This type of black-and-white thinking can make it hard to see the gray areas in life and can contribute to feelings of helplessness and despair.

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

It is important for individuals struggling with depression to recognize and challenge their negative thought patterns. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a widely used therapeutic approach that helps individuals identify and reframe their negative thoughts. By learning to replace negative thoughts with more balanced and realistic ones, individuals can start to change their mindset and improve their mental health.


Managing Stress

Stress is a common feeling that everyone experiences, and it can come from various sources such as schoolwork, relationships, and work. When we encounter stress, our body responds with the “fight or flight” response, releasing hormones to prepare us to cope with the situation. Chronic stress can have negative effects on our body, weakening our immune system and contributing to chronic conditions and mental health issues. It is important to manage stress in healthy ways, such as exercise, relaxation techniques, counseling, and self-care activities, to protect our overall well-being and lead a happier life.

Counseling is a helpful tool for managing stress by providing a safe space to explore thoughts and emotions, identify stress sources, and develop coping strategies. It allows individuals to express themselves without judgment, gain insights into their stressors, and learn healthy ways to cope. Counseling also teaches coping skills like relaxation techniques and effective communication, leading to increased self-awareness and self-compassion. By learning these tools, individuals can reduce stress and improve overall well-being. 


Coping with Stress

Coping can manifest in various ways, with individuals typically employing either problem-focused or emotion-focused strategies.

A problem-focused approach involves actively seeking to change the stressor that is causing distress. However, this method may not always be feasible.

On the other hand, emotion-focused coping comes into play when a person must endure the stressor. This approach is centered on altering the emotional response associated with the stressor. In essence, if changing the problem is not possible, one can shift their perspective or feelings about it.

In therapy, clients are taught how to cope with stressors that are beyond their direct control. A licensed professional can assist you in managing both the stressors and the emotions that contribute to your distress.