When we think of self-esteem, we often imagine someone confident, assertive, and outspoken. But in therapy, we learn that healthy self-esteem isn’t about being the loudest in the room or having it all together—it’s about feeling secure in who you are, even when life isn’t perfect.
Self-Esteem Isn’t a Performance
Many of my clients believe that they’d finally feel better about themselves if they were just more confident.
But self-esteem isn’t something we “perform.” It’s not about pretending we have it all figured out.
Some of the most courageous moments of self-esteem happen quietly—in setting a boundary, saying “no” without apologizing, or showing up authentically, even when it’s uncomfortable.
The Signs of Healthy Self-Esteem
In therapy, we often work toward helping clients:
- Set boundaries without guilt
- Speak their needs clearly and respectfully
- Acknowledge mistakes without spiraling into shame
- Receive feedback without internalizing it as failure
- Trust their intuition instead of outsourcing decisions to others
These changes don’t happen overnight, but they build slowly through consistent emotional work, healing, and support.
What Gets in the Way
If you’ve struggled with self-esteem, there’s usually a story behind it.
Maybe you were raised in a critical household, had relationships where your worth was questioned, or internalized beliefs that made you feel “not enough.”
Therapy gives space to untangle those stories—and start telling new ones.
Healing in the Therapy Room
In the therapy room, I help clients not just talk about self-esteem, but experience it.
That might look like noticing when you’re minimizing your needs, exploring the discomfort of taking up space, or celebrating moments where you advocate for yourself, even in small ways.
Final Thoughts
Healthy self-esteem is quiet, grounded, and deeply rooted in truth.
You don’t need to shout to believe in yourself.
You just need to stop silencing the parts of you that already know you matter.